


When Hope Is Gone

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: After the Game AU, Suicide, and clinging to the past, basically sollux not coping well, davekat and rosemary are minor ships, its not detailed but yeah...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 04:09:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5233556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was strange. You had heard his voice and waved it off, thinking it was your imagination but oh how wrong you were. Here you were sitting at his hive after you'd been messaged by Karkat because 'something happened'. Everyone had come to see. Aradia, Feferi, Vriska, Gamzee, Equius, Kanaya, Terezi, the rest of the trolls,and some of the humans. </p>
<p>You didn't want to believe it...</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Hope Is Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is mostly a vent fic in honour of my ex-girlfriend.  
> On the 10th of October she came out as bisexual to her family. On the 14th of October I stopped receiving messages from her. On the 18th of October 2015 her brother messaged me. She drowned herself and died earlier that day. I was completely wrecked and I hated everything. I couldn't do anything to save her and I hated it. I hated it so much. I blamed myself for not being a better datemate and, i guess on some levels, I still do. Eloise meant everything to me. She was one of the only things I'm living for and when I first found out I was broken is so many ways. I didnt know how to cope and I still don't. I'm still clinging to my memories of her and I dont know if I'll ever be able to let go. I wrote this in hopes of letting something out. Anger, sadness, hatred towards myself, regret, anything and so here it is.

[caligulasAquarium started trolling twinArmegeddons]  
CA: hey sol  
CA: i wwanted to say thanks  
CA: for evverything during the game that is  
CA: i knoww you dont like me vvery much or well i dont think you do at least  
CA: but thanks and tell fef and kar that they wwere great moirails wwhile it lasted  
CA: i think youll be the last troll in the world to check a message from me  
CA: probably explains wwhy im telling you first  
CA: or somethin like that...  
CA: i dont hate you i nevver did to be honest i just wwanted you to knoww that  
CA: bye  
[caligulasaquarium ceased trolling twinArmageddons]  
TA: waiit ED.  
TA: what do you mean?  
TA: what'2 goiing on?  
TA: ED an2wer me, what do you mean by all that?  
TA: oh haha very funny, tea2e me 2ome more and try rekiindle caliigiinou2 feeliing2 by pulliing a 2tupiid prank.  
TA: niice try, fii2hbraiin2  
TA: ...  
TA: Eriidan?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You never expected him to do it...

No one did.

You all knew he was rather unstable at the moment and you knew what could happen. After all he'd tried before, the only reason he stopped being the fact that Feferi was there for him, by chance that is, not even because she was his moirail at the time. But now it really had and you couldn't believe it.

It was strange. You had heard his voice and waved it off, thinking it was your imagination but oh how wrong you were. Here you were sitting at his hive after you'd been messaged by Karkat because 'something happened'. Everyone had come to see. Aradia, Feferi, Vriska, Gamzee, Equius, Kanaya, Terezi, the rest of the trolls,and some of the humans. 

You didn't want to believe it. There he was: horn chipped, probably from the fall; lying lifeless, eyes closed, and face covered in tears; blood and his cape around him... He was undoubtedly dead. 

Save him, you whispered. The first person to speak. Save him, you repeated with a hiss as you were on the verge of tears. Feferi was a Life players was she not? No one moved though. Why?

Feferi stayed quiet and Jane wasn't even there. Sure he'd done some bad things during the game, like killing her and Kanaya and blinding you but he didn't deserve to be left dead.

Did he...?

If you learnt anything from the time you were fused with him, it was that he wasn't a bad person. He was lonely. His only quadrantmates, his moirails, both ended up breaking his heart, and he had no hopes in getting another. He was upset. Anything and everything he did was passed off as needy or power hungry or something like that. He had no one. He was alone and he thought no one understood him. During the game, he definitely had changed. He wasn't the misguided 6 sweep old sea troll. He'd changed and had opened his opinions. Especially when it all was over.

Prince of Hope. He destroyed all his hope, just as he destroyed himself.

Save him, you repeated. Eridan was their friend. He needed help. Leaving him and letting him die would be the epitome of terrible friendship. It's not that they couldn't, it's that they wouldn't. If it was anyone else you'd help them! You reasoned with them and Aradia put her hand on your shoulder. You looked at her and she gave you a look that made you stop. They were all upset, it was obvious, but they weren't going to try do anything any time soon. 

You relayed the message about Karkat and Feferi being good moirails that Eridan had sent, and left without another word.

Back at your hive, you sat at your husktop, staring at that violet name tag.

[apocalypseArisen started trolling twinArmegeddons]  
AA: sollux?  
AA: are you alright?  
AA: you seemed to take that harder than any of the rest of us, even Feferi...  
[twinArmegeddons ceased trolling apocalypseArisen]  
AA: sollux... it'll be okay.

You were in no mood to talk to Aradia, or anyone to be honest, and so you went back to simply looking at Eridan's handle and you sighed opening a conversation with nothing.

[twinArmegeddons started trolling caligulasAquarium]  
TA: why'd you do iit?  
TA: you could've talked to any one of u2 and you know that.  
TA: do you have any iidea what you're puttiing u2 through?!  
TA: do you have any iidea what you're puttiing me through...?  
TA: ii know you were up2et, but why?!  
TA: come back...  
[twinArmegeddons ceased trolling caligulasAquarium]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[twinArmegeddons started trolling caligulasAquarium]  
TA: iit'2 been a whole month.  
TA: FF en2ured that your body doe2n't decompo2e over tiime...  
TA: iit wa2 her way of 2aying 2orry for not beiing able to do anythiing to 2ave you...  
TA: a lot has happened.  
TA: GZ and TR have a mate2priit2hiip now.  
TA: everyone 2aw it coming to be hone2t. i bet you would've know too.  
TA: you alway2 were iin on all the go22iip iin everyone2 liive2, ju2t liike vrii2ka.  
TA: ...  
TA: iit'2 2tupiid but... a part of me 2tiill thiinks you're here.  
TA: 2tupiid ii2nt it?  
TA: everyone el2e ha2 moved on and practiically forgotten what happened...  
TA: what happened ii2 liike a drop iin the ocean or 2omethiing 2iimiilarly 2iimple  
TA: ii wont.  
TA: ii'll remember you.  
TA: why cant ii move on from you? ii never even liiked you that much.  
[twinArmegeddons ceased trolling caligulasAquarium]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[twinArmegeddons started trolling caligulasAquarium]  
TA: you'd never gue22 what happened.  
TA: ro2e and KN had a baby grub chiild thiing. they've called her pandora, cute ii2nt iit?  
TA: 2omethiing to do wiith a deiity or 2omethiing from earth who wa2 the fiir2t woman and 2o ro2e 2aiid iit wa2 fiittiing becau2e 2he2 the fiir2t hybrid.  
TA: AA 2tarted talkiing about grub2 to me. 2aiid 2aturn wa2 a niice name iif 2he were to ever fiind a mate2priite to have a grub wiith.  
TA: ii wa2 about to a2k if you were there...  
TA: iit'2 been 8 month2 iin total now.  
TA: ii thiink ii'm the only one 2tiill holdiing on to you...  
TA: ii'm ju2t wii2hing for raiin whiile iin a de2ert with you now...  
TA: ii wii2h you were here...  
TA: ii've been thiinkiing about you... and me... or well, u2.  
TA: iit miight've 2tarted out a2 2omethiing black but ii thiink...  
TA: after the whole erii2ol2priite ordeal iit wa2 kiinda pale...  
TA: but ii thiink, ii ju2t thiink maybe, iit2 a liitle more... red?  
TA: look at me, confe22iing my liiterally undyiing love for 2omeone long gone.  
TA: iim so pathetiic, what am ii even doiing iin my liife anymore?  
[twinArmegeddons ceased trolling caligulasAquarium]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[twinArmegeddons started trolling caligulasAquarium]  
TA: iit'2 been a year now  
TA: ii'm at your grave at the moment.  
TA: no one el2e ha2 been here, yet.  
TA: iit occurred to me, maybe the dream bubble2 are 2tiill there.  
TA: ii mean, iit'2 not liike tuna and meenah all ju2t 2topped exii2tiing ii2 iit? maybe you are 2tiill there.  
TA: the eriidan ii know that ii2...  
TA: no one'2 2een jane eiither for age2.  
TA: 2he'd be able to briing you back...  
TA: why can't ii ju2t move on?  
TA: why diid you have to leave ii2 a better que2tiion... one ii've a2ked too often...  
TA: ii...  
TA: ii gue22 ii wa2 2tupiidly red for you after all.  
TA: ii mean wiith me cliinging on liike thii2 ii mu2t've been.  
TA: or well ii 2tiill am ii 2uppo2e  
TA: no one know2 yet, iit'2 ju2t me and you, or your account.  
TA: you're 2uch a 2tuck up uppiity 2nazzy outfiit weariing douche and...  
TA: and ii love you.  
[twinArmegeddons ceased trolling caligulasAquarium]

You sat at the grave, looking at Eridan and his beautifully preserved body. You never thought you'd find yourself crying over him at any point of time yet here you were. You should have paid more attention to him. You should have been there to help him... But you weren't and that was probably your biggest mistake of all. Yellow tears fell onto the glass and you whispered that you loved him as you heard footsteps coming closer. You quickly wiped your eyes, left the bouquet of pink and red carnations by the side of his coffin, and turned on your heel quickly walking away so that you didn't have to talk to the next person visiting Eridan.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[twinArmegeddons started trolling caligulasAquarium]  
TA: today KK and dave adopted a kiid.  
TA: they called her Kalii and 2he'2 ba2iically liike pandora'2 2i2ter iin human term2.  
TA: 2he'2 pretty cute and iif KK ha2 a chiild ii wonder who'2 next.  
TA: GZ and TR maybe? nah they've practiically only ju2t 2tarted theiir mate2priit2hiip...  
TA: maybe fef wiill 2o the tyriian bloodliine doe2n't diie out.  
TA: oh  
TA: equiiu2 gave iin and came to here to 2ee nepeta for the fiir2t tiime 2ince the game ended.  
TA: iit wa2 really touchiing, talkiing about how they were 2priite2 and iit got me thiinking of you and me agaiin.  
TA: people don't know ii 2tiill talk to you.  
TA: iit'2 kiinda embarra22iing to 2ay, liike, oh hey yeah ii 2tiill talk to eriidan'2 pretty much deactiivated trolliian account...  
TA: ii know ii 2ay thii2 everytiime but  
TA: ii mii22 you  
TA: 2ometiime2 ii thiink about iif ii could've 2aved you.  
TA: maybe you'd be here wiith me and ii wouldn't be 2o lame a2 to 2it at my hu2ktop talkiing to no one.  
TA: we could've been iin a quadrant together. you could've gotten a moiiraiil, ii hear KK'2 looking for one and now AA'2 back ii can't fiill iit iin for hiim.  
TA: oh 2hiit AA'2 me22agiing me now...  
TA: ii'll alway2 love you ED. even iif you are gone.  
[twinArmegeddons ceased trolling caligulasAquarium]

[apocalypseArisen started trolling twinArmegeddons]  
AA: sollux?  
AA: sollux, you haven't bee-n talking to me on trollian for ages!  
AA: 0u0 like my bee pun? thought it might cheer you up.  
TA: iit wa2 a pretty cool bee pun AA.  
TA: ii'm a bu2y troll though. ii've been up to 2tuff.  
TA: what'd you want me for?  
AA: well! feferi and i have decided to host an intervention for you!  
TA: what? why?  
AA: because it's not healthy, you being all holed up in your hive at any chance you get!  
AA: youve only been outside for absolutely necessary occasions and youre not coming to any get togethers anyones hosting.  
TA: iive never been to any partiies anyway, what2 the diiference now?  
AA: just come to the park and meet me and feferi tomorrow, okay?  
TA: 2ure. iit'2 not goiing to kiill me to 2ee you.  
AA: great! ill see you there then 0u0  
[apocalypseArisen ceased trolling twinArmedeggons]


End file.
